You’re not lazy… You just have multiple sclerosis.

The words I’m reminding myself of this week.

I wake up almost every day with a fire lit under my butt — a real drive to make things better for myself. But two hours later? I’m ready for a nap. People ask me all the time, “Why are you so tired?” And honestly, I’m tired of answering. I have MS.

I’ve called it Hashtag MS since I was diagnosed. At first, it was a joke — something light to help me cope when I didn’t feel different. Now, it’s more of a reminder to be gentle with myself.

I’m tired of throwing my pity party, but some days it’s hard not to. When your energy level starts at a -1, even getting out of bed feels like a battle. My days become a blur. I nap, I rest, and sometimes I accomplish nothing. And that’s tough to admit.

I don’t focus many of my posts on MS because, truthfully, it depresses me. But today, I need to say it out loud. I work as a server Thursday through Sunday — and I love what I do. But this past year, I’ve felt myself slowing down. It’s harder to keep up.

Take this past Sunday: I finished my shift around 3 p.m., repotted some plants in the garden, had dinner with my family at 6… and was in bed by 7:30. I woke up at 11:30 p.m., fell asleep again around 2 or 3 a.m., and didn’t get out of bed until 1 p.m. on Monday. And even now, I’m struggling to stay awake, to do anything but sleep.

So here’s the reminder I need on days like this:

My job takes a real toll on my body.

Serving in a restaurant — especially in the Southern heat — is hard on anyone. But for someone living with MS, it’s a different kind of hard. So when my days off come with tremors, overwhelming fatigue, and hours more sleep than I’d “planned,” I try to show myself some grace.

This isn’t laziness. It’s recovery.
It’s what happens after pushing through four demanding days with a body that has limits — limits others don’t always see.

And honestly? The hardest part is that on the days I do feel good, I forget that it’s because I’ve just rested for three days. And when that rest disappears, so does the energy.

Originally posted on Medium.