“…so I can love you.” — A Personal Post

“Is it insensitive for me to say ‘Get your shit together, so I can love you.’”

I’m listening to “Renegade” by Big Red Machine and Taylor Swift, and I should mention—I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan.

This song has become my go-to for dealing with heartbreak, especially when I come to terms with the fact that someone won’t let me love them the way I want to. It’s tough because I’d go to great lengths for someone I love, yet I haven’t found anyone who truly sees me for who I am or wants me for my authentic self.

Instead, I often end up feeling used or taken advantage of. Maybe I haven’t met “the one,” or maybe I have, and it just wasn’t meant to be. At 36 and still single, I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to try with someone new. The solitude has lingered for so long that it feels daunting to reach out.

People often say, “You’ll find the right one when you stop looking.”

I can tell you from experience that hasn’t been true for me. I’ve been single for almost seven years, with only one short relationship in the past year.

I did have an emotional moment in Paris, though. I sat alone in a room overlooking the Eiffel Tower, sipping rosé and watching the tower’s lights sparkle. It was a poignant reminder of my hopeless romantic side—being in love these days feels more like a distant dream than a reality.

This is why I pour my heart into poetry about broken hearts.

Check out more of my poetry in the photo gallery.